Hello...It's me -- wait, I mean us!

As I wrote this title, the lines from Adele's hit song "Hello." I feel like I've been gone for years -- and that wasn't intentional.  Somehow I've been off my blog for 23 weeks, and looking back it seems inexcusable.  Nursing school this semester quite literally kicked my butt.  Between 17 credits and fairly constant morning sickness/exhaustion it took everything I had to keep my head above water and make it through each day.  I even considered allowing myself to be satisfied getting lower grades (gasp!).  I survived, and now I'm back in order to share some of the exciting and interesting events of the past 23 weeks.  

I started experiencing "morning" sickness early, at exactly 4 weeks.  I was lucky in the fact that it was mostly just constant nausea with a lack of appetite rather than anything that would cause me to become dehydrated.  I quickly discovered that peppermints were my best friend, and tried to manage the random burping that came along with it.  Burping was truly my first sign of pregnancy -- and it hasn't gone away, much to my embarrassment.  For those that know me well, this may seem an appropriate punishment for all those burping contests I used to pride myself in having.  

We started having our ultrasounds at 6 weeks.  That appointment was where we first saw our baby's heartbeat.  I cannot describe the elation and awe we felt as we sat there and watched that teeny tiny heart blinking on the screen.  It was truly one of the most joyous moments of my life.  At our 8 week ultrasound we "graduated" from our reproductive endocrinologist to a regular OB/GYN.  Luckily for me, my OB/GYN was super understanding about some of the anxiety I was feeling.  We got to continue seeing her every two weeks until I was about 16 weeks pregnant.  We are now on the every-four-week schedule, and I'm slowly learning to relax.  Don't get me wrong -- I've enjoyed every minute of this pregnancy, even the stressful and uncomfortable moments.  As silly as it may sound I used to get excited every time I'd get sick.  I can't explain the gratitude and joy that has filled me from the moment we found out this was a successful cycle.  At the beginning we were cautious, and that included waiting to share the information.  Once things continued to go well I struggled with when we should share our wonderful news.  I wanted to shout it from the rooftops -- and Tony wanted to even more.  In the end, we decided to wait.  Little by little we shared with people here and there, but I didn't allow myself to blog about it until we reached the 12 week mark.  At that point I think my superstitious self had settled in to be quite comfortable.  

At just over 14 weeks we went to an elective ultrasound with hopes of finding out the gender of our little bundle.  It was a unique experience, and we were really excited to find out they predicted we were having a little boy!

The superstition started to fade as things continued to go well and nothing  bad happened.  And then i hit 15 weeks.  At 15 weeks, I had a little scare.  I awoke at 2:30 on a Sunday morning with bright red, painless bleeding.  It was very sudden, and luckily stopped nearly as soon as it started.  I wasted little time getting Tony out of bed and we were soon on our way to the emergency department.  I was so impressed, I barely had time to sit down in the waiting room before they were whisking me back to a room.  Within 5 minutes of arriving there was an ultrasound on my belly and we got to see our little one wiggling around, heart beating strongly, just hanging out.  The doctors didn't find anything concerning, gave me a shot of Rhogam (I am Rh negative), and I was on my way.  I went in for several follow-up appointments and eventually it was determined that they think I had a sub-chorionic hemorrhage.  This occurs when a piece of the placenta tears away from the uterine wall and causes a bleed.  Luckily for us, mine was very small, and within a few weeks it was undetectable and completely healed.  

Life continued fairly uneventfully for the next four and half weeks.  Our 20 week ultrasound came and went, with no significant news except to confirm that we're having a little boy.  The doctor at that appointment advised us that we would need to come back for a fetal echocardiogram to look at the baby's heart -- not because she saw anything of concern, but because pregnancies resulting from IVF tend to have higher risk for congenital heart defects.  That scan happened at 22 weeks, and our little guy's heart looks perfect.  Things are settling down scheduling-wise now that we don't have appointments so often.  What isn't settling down is this baby!  He's moving all over the place and I'm finally starting to feel it on a more consistent basis.  I have an anterior placenta, so it's in the front of my belly and that makes it harder to hear the heartbeat with a doppler in the early stages, and harder to feel kicks as well.  But, the other day, I happened to be lying in correct position and I felt him kick from the inside AND the outside.  What a spectacular moment! 

I realize this was a speedy version to catch y'all up on the last few months...and I apologize again for my absence.  Part of my goal starting this blog, way back when, was to offer support and hope to others who may be going through similar experiences.  I hope to continue to do this now that I have more time.  My new semester starts January 26.  I will be at the VA Hospital two days a week for 8 hours a day.  I have two days on campus -- one working in the nursing simulation lab, and a day of classes (2).  I'm hoping this allows me to have more time to communicate via this blog and keep you all posted on how we're doing.  

We do have a name picked out -- I'll leave that for another blog so there's an element of some surprise left so people keep reading (hopefully)!  Next entry I'll try to add some photos, too.  I know it's late, but Happy New Year to you and yours -- and as always, thanks for reading!

News!!

I will have to write a longer post later, but for now I leave you this:

Devastation

Went in this morning for my blood draw, Tony and I did a really good job staying positive. Unfortunately, my hcg dropped to 7.  The nurse instructed me to stop my medicine. I was so convinced this time would be different, that something like this wouldn't happen three times. But, it did. We will be okay, but it will take some time.  Thank you for your thoughts and prayers...believe me when I say I'm almost embarrassed to be doing this again.  Hey, we're pregnant!  Wait -- never mind. It's getting a little old. 

Tuesday's News

I know I've been silent, locked away in self-imposed isolation.  I didn't mean to leave you hanging, we simply didn't have any news.  We found out shortly after the transfer that our other two embryos did not continue to develop.  As silly as it sounds, that didn't seem like it was all that important in the grand scheme of things.  I mean we transferred 3 embryos -- three chances to create a life. 

Last Saturday I started experiencing horrific cramps, a very severe headache, and some light spotting.  I'm happy to report the headache is gone, though the other two symptoms come and go.  I've been doing my best to take it easy, hoping against hope that what I experienced was implantation bleeding. Called the nurse yesterday, and she said we'd just have to wait and see with our blood test today.  I went in about 6:10 this morning.  At 7:30, the doctor himself called to tell me I'm pregnant!  HcG is 45.8.  I go back for a repeat blood test in two days time. As always, thank you for your love and support, your prayers and positivity!   We are elated, and doing our best to stay positive -- we have traveled this road before and are hoping and praying that the outcome of this pregnancy is different than the last two.  

Decisions, Decisions

AHHHHH.  Sorry, just had to get that out.  Things went really well today, but it was a little bit of a nerve wracking process making all the decision on how many embryos to transfer today.  

So, here's the scoop.  We had 5 embryos.  Three were grade A, but one of those was actually like an A++ because it was a little bit ahead of the others (9 cells vs the others' 8 cells), one B+ and one B-.  I have NO idea what the embryos with the B grade looked like, as they didn't show them to me.  I only know that they were growing more slowly than the other three.  We ended up taking the doctor's recommendation and transferring our three best quality embryos.  We feel really, really good about this decision.  Of course none of us can see the future, but it was clear that the doctor was not very concerned about all three of them implanting, especially with our history.  Now, this could come back to bite me, I realize that!

The clinic put us in the same room that we used for the egg retrieval, which is unusual.  We are usually next door for transfers -- the nurse just said they wanted to change things up.  As scientific as the doctors sometimes seem, I am picking up on the fact that superstitions also play a role as far as routines and things.  I've heard many times from the nurses "well, sometimes the doctors just like to change things up, just in case it makes a difference."  We're praying it does make a difference and were totally fine with the change in rooms!

We did NOT do assisted hatching.  Tony and I were completely prepared to take that route, but the doctor we were working with today said he didn't recommend it.  He felt that there wasn't enough evidence to support that it would make any difference, and he was hesitant to manipulate the embryos any more than completely necessary.  So, we took his advice.

I'm doing well, feeling good, and Tony and I are taking it easy.  Positivity is key.  I read on another blog about the acronym PUPO and I've decided to adopt it.  I am Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise! :)

Our big blood test date is June 16, 12 looooooong days away.  It's also the day before our fourth wedding anniversary.  Doing our best to stay completely positive.  Oddly, I received a notification today from Timehop that two years ago we did a transfer, and the photo showed up with it.  That. Was. Weird.  And, I distinctly remember that for our first pregnancy we tested for the first time on our wedding anniversary.  Changing it up a little and going the day before -- I'm totally okay with that!

Nerves

Good morning!  Today is the day!  Tony and I have been a bundle of nerves since yesterday when I last spoke to a nurse.  She called in response to a message I'd sent the doctor regarding the difference between a day 3 and a day 5 transfer -- I was worried there was something wrong.  Turns out, he is just of the school of thought that in our case the best environment for our embryos is their natural environment, so he wants them back in there asap.

She also mentioned that the doctor said he was willing to put in up to three (3!) embryos.  That threw both Tony and I for a loop.   Believe me when I tell you there has been MUCH discussion.  Tony tends to think of the worst-case scenario and run with it.  I tend to err more on the cautious 'all three will never stick' side.  We have NO idea the quality of the embryos, we will find that out when we go in today...leaving in about a half an hour (eek!).  I'll let you know what we decided once we meet with the doctor and weigh in his opinion.  We have our minds made up currently, but I'd hate to go back and forth for you, so I'll wait to share that tidbit until it's all said and done.

Finally, she told me they will be doing assisted hatching with the embryos.  A laser will just nick the outside of the membrane to allow the embryo itself to come out and attach to the uterine lining a little easier.  I was assured this is a safe process that is very accurate.  Here's to hoping it helps!

Ta ta for now! :)

We Received the Call

A nurse from the doctor's office called a little while ago to let us know that of the eleven eggs we had, eight were mature. Of those eight, five fertilized.  So, we have five little embryos growing in the lab.  We are currently scheduled for an embryo transfer on Thursday, which will be a day 3 transfer. If the embryos continue to grow and appear to be doing well, there is a chance that they will push the transfer to Saturday morning for a day 5 transfer.  I will update if/when I receive more information, but at this time it looks like we'll be going in at 11:00 Thursday morning.  Thank you for your kind words, thoughts, and prayers!  Not to rush things, but I'm pretty excited for the transfer to get here, regardless of what day it takes place on!