As a child, I had two dreams regarding my family life as an adult. One, I would get married. Two, I would have children. Never in my wildest little girl dreams did I imagine that I wouldn't be married by the time I was thirty. Enter real life.
Tony proposed to me the day before my 30th birthday. When we were married, I was 31. Looking back, I see that everything happened exactly the way it was supposed to. But it wasn't all that easy to accept, especially as I watched many friends and family members marry and have children. Of course I was happy for them, and I knew my Prince was coming...I just didn't know when. Once he showed up that was it, I was done. End. Of. Story.
What I never knew, what no one told me (or maybe they did and I didn't listen?), was this: marriage isn't easy. Up until now, I think it's the hardest thing I think I've ever done. The funny thing is that even today, two years and three months after we were married, I cannot for the life of me pinpoint why it was such an adjustment. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining -- I am also the happiest I've ever been.
Tony and I lived together for over a year before we were married. So, it wasn't that we were suddenly thrown into cohabitating and didn't know our roles in the home. Something changed and there was an invisible flip of a switch.
Looking back, I feel like maybe it was because we both sensed the permanence of this arrangement in a way we hadn't before. Prior to getting married we agreed that, for us, divorce was not an option. I realize that some may think this is an idyllic statement, but its one we both continue to believe in. I'm not saying we don't have disagreements. I'm not saying that we don't argue. I'm saying that at the end of the day, we're on the same team. No. Matter. What.
I have a rule, and Tony agrees to follow go along with it (I'm sure in his eyes it is better than the alternative). Never go to bed angry. At first, this used to annoy Tony. For him (and many males I think), it's easier to put time and space between us during an argument. He prefers I leave him be for long enough, so he'll forget what we argued about in the first place. I am the complete opposite. I like to talk things out. And talk, and talk, and talk. :) I like to think that I take after most females in this regard. If I'm mistaken, just don't tell me! It has taken a lot of dialogue, and a lot of trial and error, for us to figure it out. But, we've reached the point where I know when "pushing it" isn't an option, and Tony knows when we really do need to talk it out.
I could go on and on, but this is already getting a little long. The bottom line is I married my best friend. I can only hope and pray that my friends and family can say and do the same. I thank God every day for bringing Tony into my life. I have learned so much about him, about myself and about us as a couple. I am so thankful to be a part of a couple. And, even though it took so long for me to find him, I know the wait was worth it. We may have taken a little bit to settle in to our roles as husband and wife. I can't think of anywhere else, or anyone else with whom, I'd rather be.
