I think I last updated in January. And even then my posts were a little sparse. Part of the problem has been that I'd convinced myself that we really didn't have anything to note going on. I still don't think we do, but guess what? I'm writing anyway...because I think once I make myself sit down and stop what I'm doing and actually THINK about it, we have plenty going on. Whether or not it's "blog-worthy" or interesting remains to be seen!
We are almost six weeks into a new semester. Life at school (and in school at night) continues much the same as last semester. I begged and begged for a student teacher this semester, but that was not in the cards. I did, however, receive a field worker who comes in every week or so and observes. Tomorrow she'll be teaching her first lessons in the classroom. I'm totally pumped to see how they go (and now I get to observe!). Unfortunately, last week Thursday I suffered an injury while breaking up a fight at work. I went to the doctor today and was diagnosed with cervical (neck), shoulder, and lumbar (lower back) strain. So it's off to physical therapy for four weeks to see what they can do for me. As long as I don't move I'm okay -- but that's really no fun.
As for our fertility treatments, we seem to be at a standstill. That may be another reason I've neglected updating my blog. I'm confused, angry, and sad...all while still trying to retain hope. It's a lot for this girl to handle. Get ready, I've been holding it in a long time...here it comes!
We were supposed to start our next (and last) in vitro cycle in January due to the fact that our lab was closed in December for the holidays. Tony and I opted to wait and were hoping we'd be able to start in February. In the meantime, I made dietary and lifestyle changes in hopes of increasing our chances for success. I also continued with my acupuncture treatments. My cycles were all regular, which was a great sign. Then came November.
My last menstrual period was 11/12/13 (kinda cool lol). I had a distinct LH surge predicting sure ovulation. And then we waited. And waited. December came, but it came without bringing a period with it. Excited doesn't even begin to describe the emotions that were swirling around this place. Then, on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day I had two days of very light spotting. I was devastated. But when I went back to my acupuncturist with a defeated look she told me that all hope was not lost, and that can be a completely normal part of pregnancy. Well, speaking now, after three more months of waiting I'm afraid that we were right to be disappointed way back in December. I've taken countless pregnancy tests here at home, and have had two blood tests -- all negative. And still, no period. I've been to see my general practitioner, and I've called our reproductive endocrinologist. No one will agree to do an ultrasound to see what's going on. All my blood work came back normal (we're still waiting on the thyroid panel). My acupuncturist referred me to a colleague of hers who is also an RN, but I'm waiting to get all my blood test results back before I call her. It's frustrating - I have many symptoms that resemble those you hear about in early pregnancy. Unfortunately I just don't think I'm pregnant -- there must be another reason for these symptoms.
That brings me to my next topic: Dealing with the reproductive endocrinologist. Here comes more frustration and anger. BEWARE!
On December 13 Tony and I met with a psychiatrist in order to undergo a psychiatric evaluation in order to us to be "approved" to use donor sperm for half of the eggs we get during our next in vitro cycle. This was a process in and of itself. First, the clinic recommended me to a specific psychiatrist who they work with routinely. I was more than happy to set up an appointment with him, until his secretary informed me that I would need to bring $475 cash to the appointment. I stuttered and stumbled through "But I have insurance!" when she politely informed me they didn't accept any insurance. I then "politely" canceled that appointment. :) I called our clinic back, and begged to use a psychiatrist that knows Tony and I well (as a couple), but was told that I couldn't because she didn't have the experience required to know what to ask with regards to third-party fertility. So, they set us up with a new psychiatrist that would be coming to the clinic and that would, thank God, accept insurance. We spent almost an hour and a half with this woman and you know what? She asked us ONE question regarding third-party fertility. That's right, ONE! I was livid. It wasn't even a good question - it was a question any ol' person on the street could have asked us. "If the fertilization works with the donor sperm, have you thought about whether you would tell the child, and how?" UGH. Then she proceeded to tell us that she doesn't say "yay or nay," she just summarizes what we talked about, etc. Funny story, as we were driving to the appointment Tony says "Maybe we should talk about something so we know what we're going to say. I mean, what if she asks us 'Have you thought about whether or not you'll tell the child?'"
Imagine my surprise when I called the clinic on January 24 to find out what our next steps should be (and to ask some questions about my lack of period) and the nurse told me the doctor hadn't reviewed the psychiatrist's report yet! SIX WEEKS LATER. The nurse then told me to call on day one of my next cycle, and that they would write a prescription for a medication to induce a period if I hadn't had it by day 40. Well, I'm going on day one hundred and something, I still haven't asked for the medication. About a week later, Tony received a call from the nurse asking him to have his psychiatrist (the one I wanted to see initially) write a recommendation stating that he was stable enough to have kids. Are you kidding me?! These people helped us through not one, but TWO in vitro fertilization cycles. One of them resulted in a pregnancy, but they're concerned NOW that maybe we shouldn't have children? I cannot express how angry this makes me. First of all, it's not really their call. They are in the business of helping people have children. I see no reason how having our own biological children with their help is any different than using donor sperm/egg with their help. Tony's psychiatrist sent the recommendation, they claimed not to have received it. She re-sent it and now they have had it for over a week and it is "waiting for the doctor's review."
I'm not stupid. I know this clinic would prefer not to work with us anymore. It's pretty obvious. They claim they think they are wasting our money (my insurance company's is more like it)...but really I think that we have brought their statistics down. They also really don't know why we are struggling...and they really don't seem to care to find out. That is probably the most disheartening thing of all. We are in the process of looking into other options, other clinics, and other doctors. Time continues to be an issue -- both Tony and I do want to continue through this cycle because we are afraid that another clinic may have to do their own assessments and we've been through all that -- it takes time, and co-pays, and co-insurance payments. I'd like to go forward with our next cycle BEFORE my insurance re-sets and I have to meet our deductible yet again.
As always, we'd appreciate your positive thoughts and prayers as we continue on this journey. I love comments, even if they just fuel my fire :) No, really, please share your thoughts with me. Maybe I'm looking at this all wrong. And, please, if anyone knows of anyone anywhere who's ever been pregnant and not had a positive blood test result during pregnancy let me know!! I know that sounds stupid and unrealistic, but I've read a lot of stories online -- though not from anyone I know personally
(which is code for 'I have no idea whether these people are crazy or not'). Supposedly it happens, but none of the medical personnel I know seem to back that up. I may be grasping at straws, but I need to know what's going on before I decide to take medication that is going to induce a period.
