All in all, our holiday yesterday went well. None of my family members had to work, and we were able to gather and share in the holiday spirit. As I took the time to sit down and think of all the things I'm thankful for, it dawned on me that I needed to get back to blogging! I am so thankful for so many things, and I hope you know that YOU are included. Each and every one of you that takes the time to listen to this woman's ramblings is appreciated. This year, I am especially grateful for the support of my family for allowing me to follow my dream and go back to school. I have no idea how it happened, but I'm two weeks away from the end of my first back-to-school semester as a full-time student. I love most of my classes (okay, so I've discovered that I find Nursing Research a little on the dry side -- can you blame me?), and am doing well in them. I was particularly nervous about the science course this semester -- Microbiology. Turns out that I really don't have to be nervous after all. I'm eagerly awaiting my exam score from Tuesday night's exam (yes, I'm a nerd in every sense of the word)...but so far, so good.
I've realized that since I was on here to announce that we were taking a break from our fertility treatments I've only written one blog. It was not my intention to also take a break from blogging. Somehow that's how it ended up though. And I'm so sorry for that. Sometimes I go back and forth with myself about how much people actually want to read about our "normal," everyday lives. I can't say that our days are any more spectacular than others' days -- to me they're perfect, but that's because they're ours. To add to my list of things I'm thankful for, I cannot overlook the reduction in stress that I've felt as I worked my way through this semester. I also can't help but hope that this will bode well for our future fertility endeavors. Because, through it all, break or no break there is always that voice in my head whispering of hope. My workouts have suffered lately, due to a knee injury. I didn't mention it when I last wrote due to the fact that I was pretending I wasn't hurt. Shortly after that entry I went in to see our family physician and was told I had overextended my knee. I was told, sternly, that I was not allowed to work out. The doctor must have seen my determination in my eyes, because he repeated several times -- No. Working. Out. It hurt badly enough that I took his advice, but I was bummed about it. Now, I'm a few weeks out of practice and I'm even more bummed because now I have to start over. Again. My plan was to start this week, and I'm embarrassed to even tell you why I didn't. But, here goes: I forgot. That's right. I planned to start Monday, and then woke up Tuesday to Tony asking me "did you work out yesterday?" and realized I'd completely forgotten to do it! It's not even funny, but the same thing happened Tuesday and Wednesday. So, I decided, in the spirit of a popular new Disney movie, to "let it go." I've still been trying to watch what I'm eating to some extent, but haven't been as diligent as I should have been. So "publicly" telling you I am beginning again on Monday. Perhaps this will serve as enough of a reminder to me!
Now that Thanksgiving has come and gone I find myself fully ready for this holiday season. The feeling was creeping in last week, and I can feel it here full-fledged now. I am experiencing a weird mixture of emotions this year. I'm not sure if it's because I'm getting older and wiser, but underneath the sense of anticipation and excitement I find myself very contemplative. I don't even know if it is something I can put into words, but I'm going to try. Last weekend I got to go up north and see my dad's side of the family. I was able to sit for hours at my grandparents' home, talking to my 90 and 91 year-old grandparents, my dad and my step-mom. I got knitting advice from my grandma and one of my aunts. I got to hear my grandpa be his goofy ol' self telling jokes at the dinner table. I got to spend time with my cousin and her little girl. I got to attend my aunt's retirement party honoring her 30-some years as a doctor in her hometown. Each and every moment filled me with love for my family, and gratefulness for getting to share in so many activities that we so often take for granted as unimportant-- and make so many memories. Sitting here, writing this, I'm actually getting teary-eyed. I wouldn't give back those moments for anything! I hope to have many more in the future, too.
This feeling that I'm trying to describe has something to do with the main reason I started this blog. As always I feel a longing deep in my soul, for a baby. Perhaps that is what causes me to be so contemplative and feel this season so deeply. I can't help but think that the time may be drawing near -- I feel it in my heart. It's scary, and exciting, and dumbfounding really. I have nothing to base it on but my faith. And, I thank God that I have such strong sense of faith. I know He will provide the dreams of my heart to me in His time...and until then I just need to be patient and enjoy this wonderful life along the way!
