The numbers are in!

We are about to run out of the house, but I wanted to share with you our latest results.  We got up at 6:30 this morning in order to be able to get the results before the clinic closed.  It seemed to take forever while I was sitting in the waiting room.  Finally, after 7, I was called back.  I prayed the entire time.  At one point, right before she stuck me with the needle, a feeling of calm came over me and I felt the spirit.  I just knew everything would be okay.

Turns out, I was right!  Our numbers came in at 221.1 today!  That's more than double the 83.9 from Friday! WOOHOO!  I go back on Tuesday for what I hope will be the final blood test in this stage of the ordeal :)

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your prayers, kind words and thoughts, and your positivity!  THEY ARE WORKING!

2nd Beta

Well.  Our second beta did not go as well as we'd hoped.  The good news is that the number went up.  The not-so-good news is that it didn't go up as much as we'd hoped it would.  On Wednesday we had 63.9, and today it was 83.9 which is about a 35% increase.  The doctor is looking for the number to double every 48 hours.  From everything I've been able to get my eyes on, typically they say it should double every 48-72 hours.  I should know this, as we went through something very similar last summer at this time.  I go back on Sunday for another blood test, and I pray that the numbers skyrocket by then.

I am still feeling extremely tired, and when the exhaustion hits it does so very quickly.  Tony and I are doing the best we can to take care of each other and stay positive.  I believe positivity is the key.  I have heard from several people today that things can easily turn around and we can be pleasantly surprised with regard to the numbers.  So, that's exactly what I'm going to believe.

I have to share this with you.  The day I went in for my first blood test I sat down in the waiting room and was overcome with a wave of panic.  In fact, I nearly burst into tears.  I decided to search for scripture in an attempt to comfort and calm myself -- I mean, it would look strange to almost anyone to see a woman sitting in the blood draw waiting room sobbing uncontrollably.  So, I searched "scripture + baby."  Do you know what I found?  It certainly helped to calm me, but brought a whole new set of tears to my eyes.  I found:  "Then God remembered Rachel, and God listened to her and opened her womb."  Genesis 30:22

I could not have asked for a more perfect message.  I refuse to believe I happened across it by chance.  So, let's get ready for some great news after Sunday's test!

Thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers -- they are, as always, so appreciated!

I don't know what you're expecting...

I do, however, know that we ARE expecting :)

My numbers were at 62.5 for the initial beta test.  I will be going back for a repeat on Friday.  Please keep your prayers and positivity coming, as we need these numbers to continue to double!

Think Happy. Be Happy.

Although it may not be lingering in the back of people's minds, it's certainly front and center in my mind.  How am I feeling?  I feel like I'm constantly evaluating and re-evaluating how I feel.  Honestly, although it's not stressful per-say, it is exhausting.

Let's see if I can sum things up for those of you who may be wondering.  I have heartburn, badly.  We've gone through all the Tums we had in house, and are on our second tube of the ones we picked up at a gas station.  I'm tired.  As in, I-can't-hold-my-head-up anymore tired.  I'm emotional, often crying at inopportune, and sometimes inappropriate, situations.  Nothing like watching a preview to a completely innocent movie and bursting into tears without knowing exactly why.  Not comfortable, believe me -- it's happened several times in the past couple of days.  I'm mostly headache-free, which is new for me.  I did have a headache yesterday to beat the band, but I think that had more to do with a bout of crying that came before that.  Took nearly 24 hours to get rid of using only Tylenol, but guess what?  I did it!  My body is also uncomfortable.  From aches and pains, cramps and twinges, to just feeling "off," my body is trying to tell me something.

Here's the problem:  I know I'm not crazy.  But I don't know that I'm pregnant.  Due to the progesterone I take on a daily basis, these could all just be symptoms of my body thinking that it's pregnant.  Isn't that the pits?  I want to believe it worked.  I pray that it worked.  But, I'm afraid to get my hopes up too high.  I haven't tested yet, and I don't plan to prior to going in for the blood test on Wednesday morning.  

Tomorrow I start my biochemistry class at UWM.  Bright and early at 8:00 a.m. I will be continuing on this nursing adventure.  I just read through the safety PowerPoint they provide and was relieved to find an asterisk with information on what a pregnant woman should do regarding the labs.  Luckily, it seems that precautions can be taken ahead of time for those of us who are good communicators (no worries there, right?).  This class meets daily, Monday through Thursday.  In addition to that, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have the laboratory section as well as a discussion.  Luckily on Wednesday, the most important day on our calendars in the foreseeable future, I am done at 9:15 a.m.  So, that means that we will be heading straight from UWM to Froedtert's lab in order to have the blood drawn for the test.  

And, I'm not sure how, but we will be doing some kind of a reveal.  Here's to hoping it's a happy, I-can't-wait-to-share, wonderful news reveal.  For now I'm going to continue to "think happy."  I've learned in the past that this points me in the right direction for "being happy."  Don't get me wrong, I'm excited.  I'm also nervous, which is why I need to stop the worrying and just "think happy."  We're going to believe this into being, one way or another.  Until Wednesday...

I forgot!

So after I submitted my post and went off to a delicious cookout at work, someone asked me a question and it dawned on me that although I gave you a lot of information regarding our embryo transfer, I forgot one six very important parts!  Our other embryos!

We elected to freeze the embryos that we did not use in the transfer.  Frozen embryos have a 95% survival rate, and seem to implant just as well as fresh embryos.  Yes, it is a little weird to speak of my potential future babies in the same terms I would use to describe produce!  Anyhow, we had four additional "Grade A" embryos that were frozen yesterday.  There were two additional embryos that weren't quite ready, although the embryologist told us that he had a good feeling that they would be ready for freezing today.  I haven't received a call yet, so I don't know how they're doing today.  So, as of right now, we have four additional embryos to use in the future.  This is totally amazing and exciting, in my opinion.  Never in my wildest daydreams did I think we'd end up with this many extra -- but I'll take it!  With each embryo transfer the odds are a little different as to success rates which is somewhat dependent on the quality of the embryo.  Best-case scenario seems to be about 50% -- and that's what we were told our odds are with the one we transferred yesterday.  I can only imagine that will continue to be the case when we use the other embryos in the future.

Many people ask what we will do if we don't use all the embryos.  That is a tough question to answer.  There are several options available to us and we have gone back and forth, and back and forth, about the way in which we want to handle it.  At this point, I am optimistic that we were given the amount we need.  There is no guarantee that every embryo will implant, so there is the chance that we will need to use the other four (or six, if the last two make it to freezing) in order for us to feel our family is complete.  Otherwise, Tony and I have discussed donating our embryos to couples who are struggling as we have.  I never thought that would be something I'd be willing to do, but after struggling for so long and seeing the $$ stack up against us (particularly in talking donor eggs/embryos), I think that's what we'd do.  Our other options include having them disposed of (couldn't/wouldn't) do that, and donating them to science.

Embryo Transfer

Yesterday, 6/15/14, we completed our IVF cycle with the final event: the embryo transfer.  We went in feeling fairly confident that we knew what we wanted.  We were also a little bit anxious.  We had no idea how the embryos were doing, as I hadn't heard from the clinic since last Thursday when they called to let us know they were recommending a day five transfer.  All I knew is that I was supposed to show up with a full bladder and the rest would fall into place.

We arrived about ten minutes early.  My thinking was that if they would see me early, I wouldn't be so miserable sitting with a full bladder.  You know how when you plan something out, something always gets thrown into the mix to throw you for a loop?  This situation was no different.  We were taken back to the room where the procedure would take place.  The nurse gave me my instructions, I got prepared with the lovely white sheet they give you, and we waited.  We waited for about fifteen minutes when I decided I couldn't take it any more -- I had to go to the bathroom, I was literally in pain.  At that point my biggest fear was that I was going to start going and not be able to stop.  I managed okay, and felt much better when I got back from the bathroom.  Once I got seated and situated again, we waited.  About twenty minutes after our scheduled appointment time a nurse popped her head in to tell us there had been an emergency and the doctor was running about a half an hour behind...meaning we "only" had ten more minutes to wait.  I had to relieve myself once more in that time frame because I, again, was starting to get extremely uncomfortable.  I have to say, it was way easier the first time to stop!  Again, I got seated and situated.  Finally, the doctor came in.

She first had to speak with the embryologist.  She came back and informed us that we had five very nicely developed embryos.  They were all considered "grade A" embryos.  She asked us to start thinking about how many we'd like to transfer, while the embryologist turned on a screen to let us see the one he'd picked out as "the best."  He did indicate that it was hard to decide, since they were all high-quality, this one just showed a little more progress than the others.  It looks so different from the embryo we used in our day three transfer last year.  I will post a photo at the end, but I don't want to force anyone to look at it.  So, I'm giving you fair warning now, there will be a scientific-looking photo of our five-day-old blastocyst below :)  The doctor said it looks like it's just about to "hatch."  No, we're not having a chicken!  After implantation, the blastocyst will divide into several parts, including the placental cells, the embryo and the yolk sac.

We ended up just transferring the one embryo.  This wasn't an easy decision.  Prior to arriving, I'd told Tony I wanted to do two.  Bless his heart, he stayed adamant that we wanted two because he was trying to follow through on what I wanted.  But, after talking to the doctor I changed my mind.  She was pretty confident that with the high quality embryos we were using that we would almost definitely be looking at a multiple baby situation if we put in two embryos.  As cute as the idea of twins or triplets is, I think for this first time around I would be much more comfortable with one baby.  Not to mention that multiples put both mom and babies at a higher risk for complications.

I'm feeling pretty good about things, trying to take it easy and just relax.  I'm eating warm, nourishing foods and drinking lots of water.  And, of course, I'm analyzing every twinge and cramp I feel praying they are good signs.  I spent the morning doing some cleanup in my classroom.  It's HOT in here -- about 82 degrees the last time I checked.  I was feeling pretty nauseous earlier, but am doing better now that I sat down, had some water and have started to cool down.

I'm sure you're all wondering when we will know.  We are scheduled to go for a blood test on Wednesday, June 25.  That's right, it's a TEN DAY WAIT.  I cannot tell you how much easier that was to hear than to hear we would have to wait fourteen days.  I know four days may not seem like much, but to this girl it's an eternity!  I've vowed that I will not test until then, and I'm hoping I can stick to that.  Because I used an HCG trigger shot during my IVF cycle, there's always the possibility of getting a false positive if you test too soon.  Some women will test immediately and keep testing until they test negative (called testing out the HCG), and then they keep testing until they get their "true" positive or get a negative blood test.  But, this is not for me.  I am trying to remain positive, optimistic, and most importantly stress-free.  I'm going to enjoy my last two days at work (as much as one can enjoy hot and humid temperatures while cleaning inside a school building) and then have a relaxing start to summer.  My second of two classes at UWM starts next Monday, so that will keep me busy as the clock ticks away until Wednesday!

WARNING:  PHOTO OF EMBRYO BELOW!

Again, thank you all so, so, so much for your continued thoughts, prayers, and positivity.  We could not have done this without you.  And now, the photo:

Embryo, five days old

Embryo Update

Just received a call from the nurse.  All seven embryos continue to grow (woohoo!).  There are four front runners that are developing better than the rest (at least this is my understanding).  Two are Tony's and two are the donor's.  So, they've pushed the embryo transfer back until Sunday at 10:00 a.m.  Although this means waiting a little longer, I'm so pleased.  This was always our "best-case scenario," and never in my wildest dreams did I think that we'd have all seven surviving and doing as well as they are.  They didn't give me the "grade" on any of the embryos, but it was hinted at that the four best ones are grade A.  I'll let you know more as soon as I do.  Keep those prayers and positive thoughts coming please -- I can attest to the fact that they're working!

Drumroll Please...

Good Morning!  And, yes, it is a very good morning!  I have been a ball of nerves since I woke up this morning -- well, let's be honest, it started yesterday after the retrieval.  This morning around 9:30 a.m. I got the call from the clinic.  I am still in shock, but here it is:

Apparently three of our immature eggs matured overnight.  So, the lab was able to attempt fertilization with nine eggs.  They did five with Tony's sperm and four with the donor sperm.  As of this morning seven (!!) have fertilized!! Three of Tony's and four of the donor's.  We. Are. Beyond. Thrilled.

I truly believe that this was made possible by all your thoughts and prayers, and I want to say thank you for each and every one of them.  The doctor told us at our last meeting before starting that we were looking at a less than 5% chance of success with fertilization.  I did the math, and we had an 81% maturation rate and a 77% fertilization rate.  I'm a Spanish teacher, not a Math teacher, but even I can see that's way above 5%!

Currently the plan is to do the embryo transfer on Friday at 1:00 p.m.  Once we get a few days closer, if the embryos appear to be doing really well they will push that back to Sunday.  I'll keep you posted.

Again -- THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

Phase One is Done

This will be just a quick update.  Went in for my procedure this morning.  Doc got eleven eggs total, six of which were mature.  We elected to go with half donor sperm and half Tony's sperm, so will be attempting fertilization with three and three.  Fingers crossed for some healthy, good quality embryos.

Embryo transfer will be Friday or Sunday, depending on the number of embryos we get and their quality.  I would love to be able to come on here tomorrow and tell you we have six -- that would ensure a Sunday transfer, and it would allow us hope even after this cycle.  Well, to be honest, ANY number over 1 will allow us extra hope.

I thank you for your continued thoughts, prayers, positive juju and everything else you've sent our way!  It means more than any of you can know, and if I somehow missed thanking you individually please know your kindness is appreciated!

Fingers Crossed

How do I begin, when I've again been absent so long?  I suppose I can just jump right in, that seems to usually do the trick.  I know I haven't done well keeping people updated as we flew through this cycle.  It certainly wasn't intentional, but rather the result of being consistently and constantly exhausted.  Although some of it may be attributed to finishing up the school year, I think most of it can be attributed to the medication.  It's strange -- I've done this three times now, and each time I have had completely different experiences with medications and symptoms, even though the medications remained pretty constant.

As I think I mentioned previously, I started day 3 with Clomid.  I continued Clomid through day 7, adding in injected medications (Gonal-F and Menopur) on day 5.  I continued with those two injected medications on a daily basis until just recently when I added Ganirelix to the mix.  So, for the past four or five days (sorry I've lost count) I've been giving myself three injections per day in the stomach.  It sounds worse (and sometimes looks worse) than it is.  I promise. 

Tony accompanied me to the doctor every 48 hours for an ultrasound since this began.  Each time we would see more and more little follicles popping up on the screen.  Both of us went into this with a very guarded approach.  Tony is still holding back a little more than I am but, I tell ya, it is nearly impossible for me to see them growing to exactly where they "should" be and not be excited.  The difficult part is that getting the eggs hasn't really been our problem.  For us the tough stuff comes with fertilization.  I'm truly not sure what we (I) will do if none of these eggs fertilize.  At one of our recent appointments the reproductive endocrinologist counted 15 follicles.  Now, let me be clear, this doesn't necessarily mean that we'll get fifteen eggs.  It does mean that there is that possibility though.  If our past attempts have anything to add to this, it's that we won't get all fifteen, but we should get a majority of those.  This makes me even more excited and hopeful.  

Our sperm donor sample has arrived at the clinic and is waiting for our egg retrieval.  And...we have a date!  Part of the reason you're "blessed" with my entry tonight is that I have to stay up until 11:30 tonight in order to give myself my HCG trigger injection.  Tomorrow is my "medication holiday," and on Tuesday morning we will head to the clinic for the egg retrieval.  Once there, I will be partially sedated as the reproductive endocrinologist removes each egg from the follicles.  They will then have someone in the lab clean the eggs and we will get a call later that day to inform us how many mature eggs we have.  The fertilization takes place later that afternoon, and we usually receive results within the next day or two telling us how many embryos we have.  Ideally we'd like as many embryos as we can get.  At this point, neither Tony nor I care how this happens...we just want it to be so.  The number of embryos and their quality will determine whether we do a day 3 or a day 5 embryo transfer.  The way I understand it, best-case scenario would be lots of high quality embryos and a day 5 transfer.

Now, here's where you all come in.  I don't presume that all of you pray -- but if you do, please send your prayers our way.  If you don't pray, any positive thoughts, baby dust, ANY positive vibe you send our way will be greatly appreciated.  I really believe in the power of prayer and positive thought and though I've been doing my best to keep my chin up about this whole thing I am  not above asking for help!  

I promise, promise, promise to keep you updated in a more timely fashion than I have.  I'll definitely be updating Tuesday and then again as soon as we have any news.  Thanks in advance for those prayers and positive thoughts!