I learned that leaving a career you loved is bittersweet. Much of the beginning of 2014 was spent preparing for this transition, working full-time as a high school Spanish teacher while taking seven credits at the University and MATC in order to get done with my prerequisites for nursing school. Writing about this now, it seems like many years ago, and not just a few months ago -- perhaps this is why I can confidently say this was the right choice for me and my family. I am in love with being a student again! Even better, I love what I am learning. I surprised myself at how quickly I adapted to being in student-mode again. And, I am grateful for my experience as a teacher because I'm pretty sure it has made me a better student. I miss my students and colleagues at Milwaukee School of Languages, but am very thankful for the social media outlets (insert Facebook here) that allow us to keep in touch.I learned a lot about patience in 2014, but I have a feeling that that's a lesson I'm going to keep learning. Anyone who knows me knows that I have different degrees of patience. I, for one, never consider myself a very patient person. But, when I stop and think about it, I realize that it totally depends on the circumstance. I am not patient when it comes to waiting for things that I want -- although I am learning to trust that all things will happen when they're meant to. I am patient when it comes to people, which was an asset in the classroom (as well as just about anywhere). So, I have to work on transferring this skill so that I may be patient with myself and the Lord above just as I am with others.
I learned that even the best-laid plans may not turn out as you'd hoped. Even though we got our BFP ("Big Fat Positive" for those that don't frequent baby sites) at the end of June, something went wrong and it just wasn't meant to be. I get really hung up on plans. In this case, I couldn't have imagined a much better timeline for school...and it took me awhile to get past that not being my reality. I tried really hard to forge ahead, but that didn't work either. No matter how I plan out the way I want this fertility journey to go, I am constantly reminded that I'm not the one in charge. It is humbling, and sometimes frustrating, but I can assure you that I am learning. Really! Here's the kicker: I thought I'd already learned everything I needed to in this regard (for this year anyway), but got another lesson yesterday! As I was reading the fine print on the paperwork for my MMR vaccination, I found out that it is not recommended for a woman to become pregnant for three months after having the shot. No one mentioned this to me, and I'm sure I don't have to tell you that I was planning (there I went again...) to be ready to try early in 2015. Not anymore. It turns out I may have to have another booster at the end of January, which will push any fertility action to April, at the earliest. It's strange in that it makes me really nervous. Tony and I have done everything we can to not prevent a pregnancy, and even though it's highly unlikely that we would randomly get pregnant on our own, we now have to think about actively trying to prevent a pregnancy for the next several months. Weird.
I learned to deal with the ache of loss this year -- not only in dealing with our second miscarriage, but also having to put down our beautiful Shadow. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of her often. The problem is that even now I cry almost every time I do. I imagine her running to fetch a ball in a large grassy field, just waiting for the moment we'll be reunited. I also like to think she's up there watching over our babies for us...keeping them company until they get to come to Earth.
I learned that there are way too many things to do to get ready to start clinical practice! I think I may have finally gotten everything taken care of as far as my vaccinations go, although there is still debate regarding my Measles, Mumps, and Rubella shot series. I was first vaccinated in 1980, then had a booster in 1982. I actually received two MMR shots that year, according to my records. I had another MMR booster in 1991. When a titer of blood was drawn recently to check for immunity to each of those diseases, I only had immunity for two of the three, which meant I had to have another booster. Hence the huge, red knot currently on the back of my left arm. So, I uploaded all my documents to the computer and the company receiving them REJECTED my information, telling me I have to have another shot in a month to serve as a booster. Believe me I will be taking this up with UWM directly. Unfortunately for me, they are closed until Friday. The deadline for all of this is Monday, which makes me nervous. Fingers crossed that everything will work out as planned! Even if I have to have the second shot, school starts on January 26, and I'd be getting the shot on January 29, which should be well before any clinical time would start.
I've learned a lot about myself in 2014, too. I know the love of a great man, the one I believe was meant for me. I've developed my relationship with Heavenly Father and can feel my faith grow stronger everyday. I am blessed to have good relationships with all my family members, and am lucky enough to spend time with them throughout the year. I couldn't be more grateful for this life that I live, and only wish you the same. Even with everything I long for, right now I have everything I need -- I have enough. So tonight I pray this finds you remembering the good about the year, enjoying your family and friends, and holding tight to the ones you love. I wish you, my friends, enough.
