The past week or so has been very strange. I cannot adequately put into words what it is like to be poked and prodded every 48 hours in order to make sure everything is progressing well, only to hear "okay, come in two weeks for your first ultrasound" once your numbers have reached the desired level. I did not enjoy being on pins and needles as we waited for each of those test results, but I did like the reassurance those numbers provided.
I apologize for being m.i.a. here as well. School is keeping me busy, busy, busy. I am currently taking two courses, one online and one "in person." The online course is going well, and will be ending soon. It is a course on leadership in health care administration. This is not at ALL up my alley. I just thought it would be good to know how "the other side" thinks, operates, and learns. This is something that I hope will help me in my future career as a nurse. The second course is a required one: biochemistry. So far we've been doing organic chemistry, which hasn't been as bad as I was expecting. For some reason as an undergrad those two words were enough to strike fear into my heart. I haven't done as well on some of the assessments as I'd like to, but then again I am also refreshing all my chemistry skills for the first time in fifteen years...so I'm okay with that. And, as a wise aunt told me recently, my priorities are starting to change in that I have more important things on my mind than getting the elusive "A."
Along with biochemistry lecture and discussion, I also have a biochemistry lab. This has been part of the reason I've been so absent. It has taken a lot of time and energy to come up with a solution I am comfortable with in taking this lab. I spent one morning in the required lab space, and then spent the rest of the day (and part of the next) recovering from the fumes that made me sick. We have found a solution that I'm super happy with -- I meet one-on-one with the lab supervisor, I am able to ask questions and watch videos of the reactions. I demonstrate the laboratory skills with water and salt/sand, and then am given dry data sets to complete the lab paperwork. The guy I'm working with is so knowledgeable, and I am truly grateful for the fact that the university was willing to work with me. Otherwise, I'd have to postpone this program by a year. There's no way that can happen!
Other than school, I just find myself adjusting to life as a pregnant lady (one who sometimes yearns for those 48 hour reassuring appointments). The hormone changes are leaving both Tony and I shocked at times. I constantly find myself questioning my feelings about things, trying to decide if the things that are currently offending me or hurting my feelings are appropriate or hormone-induced. Usually with a little soul searching it is easy to decipher. It basically comes down to the fact that what hurts my feelings are the same things that have always hurt my feelings; I cannot stand being the friend doing everything she can to be helpful, only to be left out in the end. I am so, so grateful for the true friends I have, and hope they know that they are never taken for granted.
In all, this period of adjustment is allowing me time to learn how my priorities are changing. I'm learning to stand up for myself to get what I feel is best for me and this baby, and that is a lesson that cannot be measured.
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