Breakdown

The longer I'm in the classroom the more I find myself wondering when "the times" changed.  Have I become old and prudish?  When did the "F" word become an acceptable part of daily language...even for adults?  I can distinctly recall the very few swear words that I heard adults say (in real life and on t.v.) when I was growing up, and I assure you the "F" word wasn't one of them.  As one of my favorite holiday movies explains about a time when the main character slipped and used the F word:  "I didn't say "Fudge."  I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the F-dash-dash-dash word!"  Who can name the movie? :) 

It's not just the "F" word.  I feel like behaviors (adolescent and adult alike) are so volatile in so many ways.  Maybe I'm more sensitive to these behaviors because of my line of work, maybe I'm being overly sensitive in general.  All I know for sure is that I'm getting overwhelmed with the disrespect I see and experience on a daily basis and I'm not sure what to do about it.

Standing in the hallway at school before and in-between classes, my ears are bombarded with foul language.  I can't count the number of times I hear curse words in a day...and sometimes feel like I might not even notice or hear all of the offenders because I'm becoming desensitized.  That bothers me, a lot.  I'm not saying everyone should have to regulate their language around me.  I'm not even saying that I don't use this language from time to time.  I am saying that for my students to be using this language in front of and TO me is unacceptable.  There is a time and a place, and specific audiences around whom it's less offensive.  It saddens me to know that many of the young people I come into contact with each day don't know the difference because somehow, some way, they haven't been taught.  

Today was a rough day for me as a teacher.  I broke down three minutes before my fourth hour class was supposed to start.  Why?  I can't tell you exactly why because I'm not really sure myself.   All I know is that one minute I was disciplining a student, the next I was trying to find a guidance counselor to talk with that student, and when I finally explained the situation I burst into tears.  And they didn't stop.  

As I explained to my Assistant Principal who saw me crying in the hall on my way to class, I don't know how to keep teaching classes that hover around forty students.  It's emotionally draining and seriously challenging.  I don't know how many more nights I can spend calling parents trying to intervene to improve these student behaviors.  I'm trying everything that's been suggested by the district. And still, I'm encountering new levels of disrespect almost every day and I'm not the only one.  

How do we teach our children to avoid unacceptable behavior?  How do we reduce the violence?  I feel like our children need new role models; ones who aren't fighting in public one day, and being paid to be celebrities the next.  Today made me really sad.  Because I am usually a teacher who advocates for her students.  Today I just wanted to run away from them and that makes me feel really badly.